Omegle Chats #2

Here is some more random crap produced from the lethal combination of procrastination, a taste for being a smart-arse douche-bag, and a website called Omegle. If you’re unfamilar with Omegle it’s basically a site where you start talking to stranger until either of you ends the conversation. What is it’s purpose? I have no idea. MJ 

For some reason I can’t copy the conversations in as they appear with the right colours and stuff. Like it matters.

Omegle conversation log 2009-10-09

Connecting to server…

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey

You: let me start by sayin I don’t have any STD’s so don’t believe what you read on the internet about me

Stranger: ..

Stranger: std?

You: Special time defficiencys

Stranger: what does that mean?

You: it’s a disorder where people forget what time they’re in

You: you can have multiple times at once

Stranger: oohh

You: you can have up to ten STD’s at any one time

Stranger: wait

You: Yeh

You: Oprah is the most famous

You: she has three STD’s

Stranger: so you think youre in the renaissance and the miedieval and the year 3000?

Stranger: sorry i dont get it ..

Stranger: is it something like that?

You: nah more like different parts of your life

You: or like different parts of the year

Stranger: ohh

You: the weirdest part is it’s contagious

You: You have to be careful or you can catch an STD off someone

You: I used to have a couple STD’s

You: but I’m all cleared up

Stranger: oohh ok

Stranger: thats good, right?

You: yeh Oprah has like three STD’s

You: yeh I’m heaps better

You: my girlfriend gave me my last STD

You: I should say ex girlfriend actually

You: bitch

You: sorry for my language

You: She got her STD off some jerk I don’t like

Stranger: ooh ok

Stranger: i still dont get it so much

Stranger: eh, is it like. a fever? something like that. how do you get it?

You: it’s a fever that comes and goes

You: there are different types

Stranger: a virus or something

You: and some are permanent

You: but they inly break out every so often

You: and if you get really close to someone you can catch it off them

Stranger: hm ok

You: I gave an STD to my friends mum once

Stranger: and if you have it. then what?

Stranger: ohhh ok

You: well you need to get it checked out by the doctor

Stranger: WAIT

You: and if you have one you shouldn’t get close to anyone for a little while

Stranger: do you mean, sexually transmitted disease?

You: unless you’re a jerk like the guy my ex was with

Stranger: im searching it at wikipedia

You: what is a sexually transmitted disease?

Stranger: nah nevermind

You: ok cool

You: so yeh, be careful out there

You: especially when dating, that’s when most STD’s are caught

You: my stupid bitch of a girlfriend

You: ah sorry about the language again

Stranger: nah ok

Stranger: i dont get it at all actually but im trying

You: Have you heard of Zach Braff?

Stranger: kinda, i dont know who he is though

You: from scrubs?

You: well he gets STD’s all the time

You: but a lot of people say he desrves it

You: ohhhh Paris Hilton has a lot of STD’s too

You: yeh don’t get too close to Paris Hilton

Stranger: ooh

Stranger: wait.

Stranger: now

Stranger: is it like, when you have sex. those kind of diseases? or is it in the head something

You: Sex?

You: what are you talking about? I’m talking about STD’s

Connection imploded.

 

Omegle conversation log 2009-10-09

Connecting to server…

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: im horny

You: finally

Stranger: what?

You: someone on the same page

Stranger: oh great

Stranger: how horny

You: so what are you gonna do about it then

You: tell me

Stranger: what would you like me to do

You: I’d like you to pretend to be my black slave in the early 1900s

Stranger: eh no

You: what you’re not into that

You: ok well you suggest a scenario then

Stranger: school

You: ok who are you

Stranger: de teacher

You: ok I’ll be the janitor

Stranger: y

You: “well hey there, is there something I should clean up?”

Stranger: yes

You: “should I get my … mop … out?”

Stranger: ooh yes please

You: “ok then so where is this mess?”

Stranger: in my office

You: walks into office “Oh man you spilt coffee all over the table”

Stranger: are you coming?

You: “Yeh I’m clearing the table”

You: “I think your computer is damaged”

Stranger: Fuck Me

You: “I know it’s bad! that has to be like a couple grand down the drain”

You: “Maybe the i t staff can fix it”

Stranger: Lick my pussy

You: “I do not see a cat anywhere but that would not be my method of cleaning your cat”

You: “where is he”

Stranger: now

You: “what’s his name?”

Stranger: between my legs

You: “I don’t see a cat there at all, anyway I should go get some chemicals to remove this stain”

You: “this wood could get ruined”

Stranger: have sex with me

You: “I’m not sure I understand, I know I am a lowly janitor and all but you’re going to have to explain how to clean this office up in laymans terms”

Stranger: sorry?

You: “I’m going to have to throw out these files

You: “they are soaked right through”

You: “you really made one hell of a mess with this coffee”

You: “what were you thinking”

Stranger: i came all over them

You: there is a knock on the door – “I think it’s a student”

Stranger: hide

You: “why would I hide, I need to clean up this mess if you’re going to be able to work in here”

Stranger: ok

You: “what time is it?”

You: “Is it 6th period yet?”

Stranger: time to fucking have sex with me

You: “geeze I just can’t get this coffee stain off the table”

You: “I’m getting the job done as fast as I can Mamm”

Stranger: dont mind that

You: “Oh and would ya look at that, there is coffee all down the side of the table and on the floor too”

You: “this could take hours – look I suggest you get back to your classes”

Stranger: dont mind that either

You: “I’ll have everything fixed up for you by the time you get back”

You: “Are you going to get that door?”

Stranger: i got some coffee on me,do you mind if i get dressed here

You: “That student has been waiting an awful long time?”

You: “yes that’s fine, I’ll step outside, let me know when you’re done.”

Stranger: no,stay here

You: *whistles while walking outside – door slams shut*

Stranger: your no fun

You: calling from outside the office – “Are you almost done mam?”

Stranger: yes

You: “I really need to clean this up and get to the basketball court”

You: “A kid has thrown up all over the place”

Stranger: your no fun i thought you were horny

You: walks back in “nothing gets me off like cleaning”

You: “I just unloaded all over your door”

You: “and now I get to clean again – yay”

Stranger: what

You: “you should probably take off, I’ll be no good for another half hour”

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

Omegle conversation log 2009-10-09

Connecting to server…

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: u smoke

Stranger: weed

Stranger: pop x

Stranger: pop bars

You: what the fuck are pop bars

Stranger: sip drank

Stranger: bars are xanax

You: I once smoked my toenail clippings

Stranger: impossible

You: I did it man

Stranger: im go try it

You: it’s not a very good high though

You: kinda speedy

Stranger: from all that fungus and toe jam

Stranger: it burns slow right

You: you have to file them down into a powder though obviosly

Stranger: thats too much work bro

You: you can snort it too

You: it’sprobably better snorted

Stranger: u serious

You: yeh man

Stranger: im doin it right now

Stranger: u know what

You: what?

Stranger: take a shit, put it in the oven, bake it until its dry….break it down, put it in a cigar and smoke ti

You: man that’s disgusting

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

 

Omegle conversation log 2009-10-09

Connecting to server…

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hello there

You: hello there

Stranger: cool

You: cool

Stranger: you don’y have ANY humour

You: Oh DON’Y I?

Stranger: nooo

Stranger: didn’t anybody tell you?

You: I really don’y hey

You: I don’y know what to do with myself

You: I don’y know about you

Stranger: so

Stranger: what you wanna know?

You: I don’y know, why don’y you tell me

You: about what you do and don’y like

Stranger: first

Stranger: are you girl ?

You: I don’y think that is important but yes

Stranger: no it’s not

You: don’y humour me for the sake of it stud

You: don’y act all smooth

Stranger: i don’t intend to..

Stranger: i’m andre

You: I don’y know about that

You: I don’y know any andres

Stranger: you can call that way

You: I don’y understand what you mean

Stranger: call me that way, girl

Stranger: ok?

Stranger:

You: I don’y think you should call me girl

You: I don’y think that is very polite

Stranger: but you didn’t tell me your age…

Stranger: if only..

You: you don’y get it

Stranger: no i got it

You: it’s about respect, don’y call anyone girl instead of their name

Stranger: you just want to be the stranger…

Stranger: you got it?

You: don’y patronise me

Stranger: how should i call you

Stranger: stranger??

Stranger: or hey you??

You: don’y be silly

You: just don’y call me girl ok, just don’y!

Stranger: ok stranger

You: I don’y believe you are a man

You: I don’y believe you are telling the truth

You have disconnected.